The relationship between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law may sometimes twist so whimsically, that it may deserve to be a plot for a book or a drama movie. One woman, who is absolutely happy in her marriage, is losing it because of her mother-in-law’s possessive behavior towards her husband. The woman wrote a post where she described the details of her family relations, which have become hard to handle and she’s seeking advice from people who might have been in a similar situation.
It all started a while ago, but now things got critical.
A desperate woman, 35, wrote to us, in order to tell her complex family story. She didn’t hide her emotions, while writing her candid letter, and there was a mixture of disappointment, irritation and a huge desire to solve the life dilemma that appeared in her happy family. She started her story saying that she and her husband, both 35 years old, have been happily married for over 5 years. They have 2 kids, a son and a daughter, 2 and 4 years old.
Their family has always been a happy one, with the spirit of love, mutual care and understanding prevailing in everything they do together. The woman confessed that she’s still madly in love with her husband, whom she first met when she was 16 years old. She then recalled their first meeting and the day when she was introduced to her husband’s mom, who would soon become her mother-in-law and the root of all evil in her family.
The woman told that the first meeting with her husband’s mom was warm and cordial, but she already had a feeling that the woman was too possessive toward her son. She recalled how her then-boyfriend’s mom asked her plenty of questions, trying to find out everything about her family, her background and even the tiniest details about her relationship with her son.
The weirdest question that she recalled was, “Were you in a relationship before you met my son? Why did your relationship with your ex come to an end?”. The woman wrote that at that time she thought that her husband’s mom just wanted to make sure her son was safe in a relationship with her and that nothing would make him unhappy, but she was mistaken: this was only the beginning and the first red flag.
The situation in the family is now becoming more and more absurd.
The woman continues her story, saying, that they moved in together with her husband’s mom one year after their wedding. Her husband insisted on it, saying that his mom was feeling lonely and helping her then-pregnant daughter-in-law and then taking care of her grandchildren would be a good relaxation for her. The woman was silently against such decision, but didn’t want to hurt her husband’s feelings and didn’t object, thinking it was a temporary stay and that his mom would sooner or later be fed up with such a busy life and would return to her own home.
The woman writes, “My desire to please everyone played a bad trick to me. If only I could foresee what life I would be having when my MIL would move in with us! I’d have objected; I’d have spoken out against this bad decision.”
After moving in with the spouses, the elderly woman slowly but surely took possession of everything in their house. She became the chef in the kitchen, preparing meals for both herself and her son and his kids. However, she wouldn’t cook for her daughter-in-law, saying that she had gained weight after giving birth and needed to go on a diet. She started interfering with the family budget, offering unwanted advice regarding how much her son spends on domestic needs and clothes. Then, she took over their kids, trying to become their “mother,” and, even more frustratingly, the woman revealed that she had even tried to tell her husband that she’s a bad mother and a bad wife.
The woman continues her story, saying that every time she and her husband had an argument, his mother took his side and tried to preach her for “inappropriate behavior,” leaving her no chance for solving her family conflicts herself. It soon came to the critical point when the spouses’ private space was severely violated and it was the last straw.
When it all already seemed too much, the MIL went even further.
The desperate woman continues her story with a shocking revelation that her mother-in-law somehow penetrated into their private space—the bedroom shared by her and her husband. She wrote, “Whenever my husband and I are in our bedroom, his mom appears in a doorway and asks him to go sleep with her because she’s scared. She explains it all by saying that since she became a widow, her late husband comes to her in her dreams, and it makes her scared to death. Only if my husband sleeps by her side can she peacefully fall asleep.”
The situation in the family has become so challenging that the woman is now completely against her husband’s mom. She can’t decide on how to make her move out of their house or even on how to hint to her that she is ruining her family.
We’d love to offer a piece of advice to you and thank you for sharing this delicate story with us.
Don’t be silent about your feelings and speak to your husband first.
We’d recommend that you be braver in speaking out about what really bothers you regarding your mother-in-law. However, you should address your concerns not directly to your MIL but to your husband. Sit together and share your vision of your MIL’s continued stay with your family. You may avoid discussing their relationship and criticizing it, as this may be a vulnerable topic for your husband as well. Instead, focus on the main issue — the lack of private space for you and your husband, which may lead to relationship issues.